I'm Like a Professional Peacemaker

Dr. Robert Wallace
Thu, 19 Mar 2026 21:00:00 -0700
Lifestyle

DR. WALLACE: I come from a very volatile family. There are five siblings. I'm the one in the middle, and for whatever reason, I always tend to be the peacemaker between the five of us and our two parents.

For various reasons, there will always seem to be drama between some of my siblings with each other, and other times drama between a particular sibling and one or both parents. Inevitably, I get drawn into almost every clash because everyone trusts me and knows that I won't take sides with anyone but will instead seek to find the right answer irrespective of the personalities involved.

I normally don't mind doing this, but as we've all grown older, I don't like having to spend so much of my time sorting everything else out for my family members. How can I pull back from this and reclaim a lot of my free time when I'm already known to be the definitive peacemaker of our clan? — It Takes Too Much time, via email
Updated: Fri Mar 20, 2026

DR. WALLACE: I come from a very volatile family. There are five siblings. I'm the one in the middle, and for whatever reason, I always tend to be the peacemaker between the five of us and our two parents.

For various reasons, there will always seem to be drama between some of my siblings with each other, and other times drama between a particular sibling and one or both parents. Inevitably, I get drawn into almost every clash because everyone trusts me and knows that I won't take sides with anyone but will instead seek to find the right answer irrespective of the personalities involved.

I normally don't mind doing this, but as we've all grown older, I don't like having to spend so much of my time sorting everything else out for my family members. How can I pull back from this and reclaim a lot of my free time when I'm already known to be the definitive peacemaker of our clan? — It Takes Too Much time, via email

IT TAKES TOO MUCH TIME: A couple of quick ideas come to mind. First, I would guess that many of the same types of problems crop up over and over. Therefore, you don't need to have a complete rehashing of every morsel of drama and all the related details. Ask your family members to give you a quick 20-second summary of each problem, then digest it and make your ruling in a congruent manner as to how you have done so in the past.

Along these lines, you can also ask family members to try to resolve their issues in the spirit of your mindset before even bringing the situation to you! They obviously know how you reply to many situations, so they should be able to figure out most of their new issues on their own.

The second idea would be to request some kind of compensation for your time! I'm not talking specifically about money here, but since you are doing them a favor, perhaps they could sign up to do a favor for you here and there. Try to think of things they could do for you that would save you time in other areas of your life, as this would then become a more equitable trade. You take time to sort out some of their issues, and they each take time to help streamline other areas of your life so that everyone can benefit in both directions.

EVERY DAY SEEMS ROUTINE AND THE SAME

DR. WALLACE: I'm a first-year college student and am wrapping up a successful academic year. I've spent almost all my time studying and working a small part-time job that helps me pay for my expenses.

My problem is that my life has become such an absolute routine that it's driving me crazy! I tend to do the same things on the same days at the same time, and although I'm quite productive, I feel like I need a breath of fresh air somewhere in my life. It's not that I need a new dating app or anything like that, but what can I do to break up my daily routine? Remember, I'm on a budget! — Every Day Feels the Same, via email

EVERY DAY FEELS THE SAME: Start by altering your physical movements. If you commute or walk to school or your classes, try going different directions every single day until you exhaust all the different possibilities of arriving at the same place.

Say hello to random people as you walk through the halls and when you travel between classes. Even brief 15-to-30-second conversations help break up your day and elevate your mood.

Take some time to window-shop at a few stores you may like. Antique shops, clothing stores, sporting goods, whatever may be interesting to you. Take a few minutes every so often and browse through a few of these stores just to see what's fresh and new out there. You don't necessarily have to buy much, but every now and then you may come across something you would truly enjoy that can squeeze into your budget.

Finally, when you wake up every morning, think of the day as an adventure and plant a seed in your mind as to what unusual or different thing you're going to notice, experience or try during that particular day. Having this mindset established every morning will make it much easier for you to actually follow through on some of the ideas and even develop a few new ideas of your own as each day unfolds.