Our Joint Account Is No Longer Balanced Equally

Dr. Robert Wallace
Fri, 20 Mar 2026 21:00:00 -0700
Lifestyle

DR. WALLACE: I'm a female college student, and I live with my boyfriend. We've been together about 10 months, and we've lived together for the last six months.

The first two months we lived together, we each maintained our own finances, but he convinced me to open a joint checking account so that we could pay our rent, food and common expenses together. The idea seemed reasonable, and I agreed, and we both put equal amounts of money into the account for the first six weeks. But beyond that, he suddenly needed to take money out for various things that were solely for his use and purpose, not our shared expenses.

I brought this up to him after the third or fourth time he did this, and he promised to replace the money shortly thereafter. However, he never did. We are now several more months down the line, and he has used our joint account as an occasional piggybank for his personal endeavors and expenses, including outings with his guy friends. What can I do about this? — A Very Frustrated Girlfriend, via email
Updated: Sat Mar 21, 2026

DR. WALLACE: I'm a female college student, and I live with my boyfriend. We've been together about 10 months, and we've lived together for the last six months.

The first two months we lived together, we each maintained our own finances, but he convinced me to open a joint checking account so that we could pay our rent, food and common expenses together. The idea seemed reasonable, and I agreed, and we both put equal amounts of money into the account for the first six weeks. But beyond that, he suddenly needed to take money out for various things that were solely for his use and purpose, not our shared expenses.

I brought this up to him after the third or fourth time he did this, and he promised to replace the money shortly thereafter. However, he never did. We are now several more months down the line, and he has used our joint account as an occasional piggybank for his personal endeavors and expenses, including outings with his guy friends. What can I do about this? — A Very Frustrated Girlfriend, via email

A VERY FRUSTRATED GIRLFRIEND: The simple short answer is to stop putting any new money into a joint checking account. I'm not advising you to close it immediately in an unceremonious manner, but rather to simply inform him that you're not going to be making any future deposits into that account.

This will provide him with some time and notice of your intentions. Then when it comes time to buy food for the household or to pay the rent and other expenses, you can pay your half directly and ask him to do the same.

It will be interesting for you to notice how he handles this both in terms of his reaction toward you and his actions in terms of how he begins managing his own finances. Many couples experience relationship decay or even dissolution over financial matters. Sadly, you may already have begun heading down this road, but there is still time for him to "man up" and pay his share of the expenses — and do so without a single condescending word being sent in your direction.

Carefully monitor not only his financial moves from here but his emotional ones, particularly his tone of voice and how he interacts with you regarding this topic and of course your relationship overall.

I DO MORE THAN MY SHARE AT OUR DORM ROOM

DR. WALLACE: My wonderful mother was the glue in our family when I grew up living in the family home. Now that I'm out on my own and a college student in another state, I tend to channel my mother's generosity toward my female roommate. We girls get along great, but her life always seems much more fast-paced than mine, and she has many things going simultaneously, including an interesting social life.

When it comes to maintaining our shared dorm room, I end up going far more than halfway with maintaining the premises, doing the laundry and restocking the refrigerator regularly by taking time to go to the grocery store.

Because we don't have that many clothes to wash each week, I'll do her laundry along with mine just to be helpful to her. She is extremely financially responsible, and when I do buy groceries, she immediately pays me for her share. I don't mind being accommodating and doing most of the cleaning and laundry in our shared environment. However, I don't want to feel like I'm being taken advantage of either. I'm not the type to boldly ask for specific compensation, and I really don't want to be paid to do the extra chores I'm doing, I just want to be recognized for it. How can I best do this? — I'm an Excellent Roommate, via email

I'M AN EXCELLENT ROOMMATE: I would venture to say that you've inherited the helpful traits you possess from your wonderful mother. It's great that you are willing to go more than halfway toward helping out around the home with your roommate, but your point about recognition is right on the mark and extremely valid.

There's nothing wrong with asking her for a favor directly, just occasionally to help you out and balance the books a bit. Perhaps you might need to buy a gift for a friend or relative, so ask her to take you shopping to help you find the perfect gift and help you pick it out. You could also ask her to take you out for a quick, inexpensive breakfast or lunch one weekend morning or early afternoon when the two of you have a free moment together. Her being able to do this for you, and you being able to receive it, will do wonders for both of your mental states of mind while simultaneously strengthening the roommate bond you girls share.