Big Beautiful Death Triumph Warrior

Marc Dion
Thu, 05 Mar 2026 21:00:00 -0800
Opinion

The two atomic bombs dropped on Japan by the United States of America were code-named "Fat Man" and "Little Boy."

You'd give those names to your cats.

"The calico is 'Fat Man,' you'd tell a visitor to your house. "The gray one peeking out from under the couch is 'Little Boy.' He's shy."
Updated: Fri Mar 06, 2026

The two atomic bombs dropped on Japan by the United States of America were code-named "Fat Man" and "Little Boy."

You'd give those names to your cats.

"The calico is 'Fat Man,' you'd tell a visitor to your house. "The gray one peeking out from under the couch is 'Little Boy.' He's shy."

During World War II, American Armed Forces conducted military operations code-named Husky, Avalanche and Shingle.

"Shingle" was the American code name for the notoriously bloody Anzio landing in Italy.

"Operation Overlord" was the Allied code name for the invasion. It's serious, but restrained.

America nowadays is opposed to restraint, particularly since we now have a president with a past in professional wrestling.

America bombed Iranian nuclear research sites in an operation called "Midnight Hammer," a great name for a porn movie, but a braggart's name for a military operation. Just now, the leveling of Iran has the code name "Epic Fury."

Even the bellicose Nazis toned down their blood and iron rhetoric when it came to naming military campaigns. The code name for the Nazis 1940 invasion of France was "Case Yellow."

But there has been a lot of what I call "name-flation" since 1940, and in America right now, the government isn't allowed to kill foreigners unless the operation has a comic book code name.

Comic books were always like that, but they're comic books, intended to grasp and hold the imaginations of 12-year-old boys and older guys who aren't all that sparky with the ladies.

Superman, for instance, does not have a "second home." Instead, he has a "Fortress of Solitude," and the Hulk isn't just "the Hulk," he's the "Incredible Hulk."

And both those names are overkill. Of course it's a fortress of solitude. It's in the Arctic. Did Superman think he was going to have neighbors? The Incredible Hulk, huge, muscled, and green all over, probably doesn't need to have "Incredible" as a first name.

It wasn't too long ago that the remains of the 119th Congress passed "The Big Beautiful Bill," a piece of legislation whose government name was H.R.1. This is in the same name vein as your worthless, crack-slinging cousin whose government name is Dave but who likes to be known as "Li'l Cheddah." The only time he has a number is when he's in jail, on probation or on parole.

Wars used to be fought by soldiers but are now fought by "warriors" or even "war fighters," and, of course, "heroes." "Hero" is such a cheap piece of English right now that you expect to see a shelf of it at the dollar store.

Everything sounds fancier, but is cheap under the gold paint. Everything sounds noble, but is really just a greasy little exercise in fraud. Everything sounds like it's out of some brave vision of knights and swords, but everything has the ethics of a used car lot with a "Buy Here, Pay Here" banner out front. The national pawnshop of ideas pays the least it can.

No one is ever going to call a military action "Operation Dead Babies," or "Operation Granny's Head Blown Off," even if the military operation in question is going to produce those two things and more.

Maybe at Pete Hegseth's next press conference, he could illustrate the epicness of America's furiosity with a map of Iran featuring cartoon balloons like I remember from the Batman comics.

"War fighters released epic fury on Tehran last night," Hegseth could say, pointing at a map of Iran with the word "KA-POW" over the city, right where our furious hammered midnight epicness was released by war fighters and warriors and heroes.

Bam! Zowie! Whack! Zotz!

The warriors ride out with a fiery sword of flaming adjectives, and saddlebags full of football metaphors for back up.

Who can resist?

"Iran didn't have any big boys on their defensive line and couldn't stand against our blitz," says old Coach Carnage, spitting tobacco juice and bits of brain. "They tried to go into a huddle, but our warrior quarterback was throwing bombs."

It's football. It's a comic book. It's the crusades. It's cynical, and it's cheap gold paint over cheap particle board, and its fake diamonds in a fake platinum ring, bigger than what you could afford if you bought real diamonds.

It's epic.

To find out more about Marc Dion and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit www.creators.com Dion's latest book, a collection of had best columns, is available in paperback from Amazon.com, and for Nook, Kindle and iBooks.