Unsmart Venezuela

Marc Dion
Thu, 08 Jan 2026 21:00:00 -0800
Opinion

There's no such thing as a "smart bomb" because bombs don't ask questions.

"You're not dropping me there," no bomb ever said. "There's kids down there."

But there are smart people, and this is one hell of a time to be smart.
Updated: Fri Jan 09, 2026

There's no such thing as a "smart bomb" because bombs don't ask questions.

"You're not dropping me there," no bomb ever said. "There's kids down there."

But there are smart people, and this is one hell of a time to be smart.

After the United States bombed Venezuela for oil, the smart people talked about "geopolitics," the Monroe Doctrine, spheres of influence, hemispheres and international law.

Some smart people gauge their audience. Those smart people are smart enough to know that the phrase "Special Forces" is, right there, such a heroic phrase that no argument is possible. The very idea of cheap gasoline is also a heroic thing.

I got in an argument about wind power with a guy one time, and he said to me, "They have to let us have our fossil fuels!" and he said it in the same tone you'd use if you told a masked gunman, "Don't shoot my wife! Shoot me instead!"

Of course, we'll die for oil. The Venezuelans will die for oil. Special Forces will die for oil. Navy SEALS will die for oil. Babies. Old men. Cats. Nonverbal autistic people. We'll all die for just a little more of the black stuff.

And oil is the miracle technology of 1910. We're not even dying for something new, or better, or less polluting, or smarter. China is pumping out the newest electronics, and we're gonna die for the black goo that powered your grandpa's 1971 Chevy Malibu. What the hell do these liberals want, other than gender reassignment surgery for toddlers? No oil means you're gonna kick-start your electric Harley-Davidson, and it's gonna make a humming noise like your girlfriend's lady leg-shaver .

To prevent that, you need the strongest, biggest, kick-buttiest military in history, a military fresh from the brutal war in Chicago.

And not only are we in full pursuit of last century's miracle fuel, but we're doing it the same way we did it in 1910. We find a country with something we want, we knock hell out of it with explosives, we send in some elite troops, and we take what we want. By 1950, America had all kinds of supersmart spies slinking around other countries, spying and spooking and handing each other tiny dots of microfilm stashed in the bottom of a cigarette pack.

Not anymore. Kick the dumb bombs out. Send in the heroic Special Forces who protect our freedoms in every country but ours.

We're also dropping the dumb, blind bombs to "stop drugs" because drugs are being forced on innocent Americans who don't even know what cocaine is until some greasy foreigner forces them to give it a try. Bombing another country to solve your country's drug problem is like burning down your neighborhood liquor store to solve your drinking problem. The recovering junkies will tell you that you don't get better until you accept responsibility for your own habit. Try standing up at a Narcotics Anonymous meeting and saying "Hi. I'm Lila, and I'm a drug addict because they floated the stuff in from Venezuela." The old sobers in the crowd will laugh until they spill their coffee.

The drug business is good. The oil business is good. The death business is good.

To find out more about Marc Dion and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit www.creators.com. Dion's latest book, a collection of his best columns, is called, "Mean Old Liberal." It is available in paperback from Amazon.com, and for Nook, Kindle and iBooks.