Classic Ann Landers

Ann Landers
Fri, 02 Dec 2022 21:00:00 -0800
Lifestyle

Dear Ann Landers: Too many people think it's OK to leave a child unattended in an automobile while they go into a gas station or post office for "just a minute." Whenever I am tempted to do this, I remember the day I brought my first-born child home from the hospital. My mother said, "Don't ever leave your child in your car anywhere you wouldn't leave $1 million cash on the seat."

If you run this in your column, Ann, please use my name. It would be a wonderful tribute to my very wise mother, who passed away two years ago this Christmas. — Vicki Villegas Westfall, Valley Springs, Calif.
Updated: Sun Dec 11, 2022

Dear Ann Landers: Too many people think it's OK to leave a child unattended in an automobile while they go into a gas station or post office for "just a minute." Whenever I am tempted to do this, I remember the day I brought my first-born child home from the hospital. My mother said, "Don't ever leave your child in your car anywhere you wouldn't leave $1 million cash on the seat."

If you run this in your column, Ann, please use my name. It would be a wonderful tribute to my very wise mother, who passed away two years ago this Christmas. — Vicki Villegas Westfall, Valley Springs, Calif.

Dear Vicki: Here is your letter and a very good one at that, I might add. It takes only a second to snatch a child. Your mother gave you excellent advice. I hope every mother who reads this will pay attention to her wise counsel.

Dear Ann Landers: Here's another story about stupid criminals. This happened to my husband, "Jim," a truck driver.

Jim was on the road one day when two police cars pulled him over. The car right behind him also pulled over. The officers said that the car behind him had called in a report that Jim was weaving all over the road. They gave him a breathalyzer test and found he was perfectly sober.

Jim suggested they give the driver behind him the same test. They did and discovered he was intoxicated — twice the legal limit. In fact, he was so drunk, he didn't realize it was he who was weaving all over the road. He actually reported himself! Wouldn't it be nice if more drunk drivers reported themselves? — His Wife

Dear Wife: It would indeed, but don't hold your breath waiting. I've never heard of this before and don't expect to hear of it again.

Dear Ann Landers: For 10 years, I was a stand-up comic and moderately successful. After a show, I liked to chat, but some people didn't understand the show was over, or they had a joke to tell me. If I never again hear, "Three guys are in a bar," I will die happy. I often ran for the exit the second my act was over. I hated doing that, because many people just wanted to say they enjoyed the show.

I know people are just trying to be friendly, but comics don't have the luxury of saying, "I've finished my gig," or they would appear rude and arrogant. Life on the road is very lonely, but after accepting after-show dinner invitations a few times, I realized people didn't want to have dinner with me; they just wanted more entertainment.

So, folks, we love to talk with you after the show because you are often the catalysts for spectacular stories, but please leave the jokes at home. — Stop Me If You've Heard This One in Rochester, N.Y.

Dear N.Y.: Every comic who reads this is going to bless you for what you have written. You sang their song.