Classic Ann Landers

Ann Landers
Sat, 25 Feb 2023 21:00:00 -0800
Lifestyle

Dear Ann Landers: When my sister and I were young, we were told our mother had died when we were babies. Two years ago, I was contacted by a woman claiming to be our biological mother. She had been searching for us for 33 years.

My father died 10 years ago, so I have no way of knowing the truth, but her story sounded legitimate. I am slow at developing new relationships. However, my sister, who lives on the opposite coast, welcomed the woman with open arms and began calling her "Mom" immediately. I was stunned when I learned that the woman had packed up and moved to be near my sister.
Updated: Sun Feb 26, 2023

Dear Ann Landers: When my sister and I were young, we were told our mother had died when we were babies. Two years ago, I was contacted by a woman claiming to be our biological mother. She had been searching for us for 33 years.

My father died 10 years ago, so I have no way of knowing the truth, but her story sounded legitimate. I am slow at developing new relationships. However, my sister, who lives on the opposite coast, welcomed the woman with open arms and began calling her "Mom" immediately. I was stunned when I learned that the woman had packed up and moved to be near my sister.

I invited my new mother to come stay with me for a week so I could get to know her better. I explained it might take me a while to adjust to her. A week after our visit, which I thought went well, I received an angry letter from her saying she was disappointed in our visit because I did not welcome her as warmly as my sister did, which hurt her feelings.

I tried to discuss it with her but got nowhere. I saw my sister not long ago, and she lectured me about my lousy relationship with our new mother. She made me feel terrible. Do I need professional help? I will get it if you say so. — Washington Woes

Dear Washington: You have done nothing wrong. However, some short-term counseling to get you through this trauma might be a good idea. Meanwhile, be grateful that your sister and mother live on the other side of the country. Time can be a good healer. Let it do its work.

Dear Ann Landers: I am 34 years old and about to have my first baby.

My husband and I are thrilled beyond words.

So what's the problem? When I told my dad that he is about to become a grandfather, he said, "Not really. I am not your father." I was devastated when he told me that and immediately confronted my mother. She said, "Your dad doesn't know what he is talking about." My father says, "Your mother knows the truth and is lying through her teeth."

I don't know what to make of this. Should I have a paternity test done to settle this once and for all, or should I just drop it? Why would my father tell me such a thing after all these years? I am in a state of shock. Please help me figure this out. — Totally Baffled in Spokane, Wash.

Dear Spokane: In order to prove paternity through a DNA test, you and your father would have to be tested. I doubt that your father would be willing to do this.

Your mother appears to be much more stable. Take her word for it. For your father to tell you at this stage of your life that he is not your real dad suggests that he may be a few bricks short of a load. Let's hope that when the baby comes, he will be so thrilled that he will forget about this nonsense.