Australia: Won't Somebody Please Think of the Children?

Ian Haworth
Tue, 09 Dec 2025 14:27:52 -0800
Opinion

After stripping its citizens of the right to self-defense, locking down millions under COVID-19 totalitarianism and treating freedom of speech like a roadblock to socialist utopia, Australia has decided to take its already well-established love of government overreach and crank it up another notch. Starting this week, the Australian government will enforce a total ban on social media for everyone under the age of 16, with platforms that fail to comply facing tens of millions of dollars in fines.

Predictably, the pundit class and advocacy groups applauded the government with the usual Simpson-esque cries of "won't somebody please think of the children?!" But here's the truth: If you actually think of the children, this policy is a terrible idea. Not because social media is harmless — far from it — but because Australia's solution is the worst possible combination of unenforceable fantasy and authoritarian impulse.

Let's start with the obvious. Enforcing this ban will require a level of digital surveillance that would make Beijing blush. To stop teenagers from scrolling, the Australian government will need to track, monitor and verify the ages and identities of millions of citizens: a dream scenario for a digital police state that has plans beyond keeping young Timmy off TikTok.
Updated: Tue Dec 09, 2025

After stripping its citizens of the right to self-defense, locking down millions under COVID-19 totalitarianism and treating freedom of speech like a roadblock to socialist utopia, Australia has decided to take its already well-established love of government overreach and crank it up another notch. Starting this week, the Australian government will enforce a total ban on social media for everyone under the age of 16, with platforms that fail to comply facing tens of millions of dollars in fines.

Predictably, the pundit class and advocacy groups applauded the government with the usual Simpson-esque cries of "won't somebody please think of the children?!" But here's the truth: If you actually think of the children, this policy is a terrible idea. Not because social media is harmless — far from it — but because Australia's solution is the worst possible combination of unenforceable fantasy and authoritarian impulse.

Let's start with the obvious. Enforcing this ban will require a level of digital surveillance that would make Beijing blush. To stop teenagers from scrolling, the Australian government will need to track, monitor and verify the ages and identities of millions of citizens: a dream scenario for a digital police state that has plans beyond keeping young Timmy off TikTok.

But even if enforcement didn't require turning Australia into a test lab for its latest trial of soft totalitarianism, the policy would still be a failure. Why? Because it fundamentally misunderstands the problem it claims to solve.

Social media isn't going anywhere. It is woven into every cultural, economic and social system we rely on. Banning young people from the online world doesn't protect them from it. It just delays the inevitable. And that delay is dangerous.

The most valuable skill a young person can develop in the digital age is online critical thinking: the ability to navigate algorithms, identify misinformation and build a healthy relationship with the infinite stream of content assaulting them from every direction. These skills aren't miraculously acquired on your 16th birthday, but instead require time, experience and — a word governments really hate — responsibility.

By slamming the door on social media until kids reach an arbitrary age, Australia is not shielding them from harm. Instead, they are throwing them into a complex online environment with absolutely no training, no preparation and no resilience. It's like banning teenagers from learning to swim as a way to reduce drownings. Sure, they'll stay dry until they're older, but what happens when you throw them in the deep end the second the law allows it?

If governments want to do something useful, they should focus on empowerment rather than infantilization. Teach digital literacy in schools, encourage parents to engage with their kids' online lives and create a culture where responsibility is expected and embraced, rather than outsourced to the state who dreams of nothing more than absolute power.

Australia doesn't need more authoritarian policies disguised as public safety. It needs to treat young people as future adults, and not permanent children cowering under the shadow of the government.

The internet isn't going anywhere, and pretending otherwise won't protect anyone.